Family Drama: Jamaal has a lot of potential to do well at school, but he just isn’t motivated to get his work done. His grandma can’t believe that he’s failing. He did so well last semester when she motivatd him with an MP3 player. Now he’s not motivated again. She’s frustrated. He wants another reward. Grandma feels like she’s playing Let’s Make a Deal continually to get her grandson to do anything.

Question: How can I effectively help my child mature and develop?
Answer: Focus on the heart

Family Drama: Rudy has a hard time doing anything without hearing it over and over from his mom. Mom is frustrated because her son doesn’t listen to her until she raises her voice. Of course, Mom has other things to do in life such as help Marisol fix her broken doll. The situation deteriorates as Mom resorts to yelling at Rudy to get him to put away the laundry.

Question: How do I get my kids to listen when I tell them to do something?
Answer: Tighten your action point to clarify expectations

Family Drama: It’s morning and Mom is trying to get everyone out of the house to get to school so that she can get to work. Merilee is stressed because she can’t find her report. Mark is moving slowly because it’s morning and Madison is not helping at all. Mom can’t find her keys. All of this sets the stage for an intense beginning to the day.

Question: How can I reduce conflict and still get things done?
Answer: Turn problems into tasks instead of escalating them into conflict

Family Drama: Jarrod is being disciplined by having to stay in his room, but he’s hungry and wants to eat dinner. Grandma is frustrated with Jarod and tries to be firm with the discipline. Jamaal is not helping matters with his intruding comments and sarcastic remarks, and Dad has no time to deal with the situation. The interaction illustrates the need for some kind of plan for ending discipline situations in a better way.

Question: How can I maximize correction so that my kids change?
Answer: Use a Positive Conclusion to process offenses

Family Drama: Jamaal needs to be disciplined. He continually forgets to take out the garbage. Dad is fed up with it. He wants things to change and now. Typically Dad takes away privileges from Jamaal to motivate him to change. In this case, Dad decides to take Jamaal’s cell phone away. Things escalate as Jamaal and Dad argue over how long a cell phone should be taken away because he forgot to take out the trash.

Question: What consequences can I use to get my kids to change?
Answer: Add non-confrontational correction to your toolbox

Family Drama: Madison is eager to go out to be with her friends. Mom is concerned that Madison will make a poor decision and go to a bad movie like she did last time. Mom is setting some tight limits on Madison while Merilee and Mark, her siblings, chirp in with unhelpful comments. In the end, Madison has a difficult time accepting no as an answer and erupts with hurtful words toward her mom.

Question: How can I get my child to accept no as an answer?
Answer: Move from the issue to the process

Family Drama: Dad gets another shift and asks Rudy to watch Marisol. Rudy reacts with anger because he doesn’t want to be bothered by the task. As Rudy gets angry, Dad increases his intensity. They both escalate into a rage.

Question: How can I break the cycle of anger in our family relationships?
Answer: Pull back instead of push forward when things get intense

Family Drama: As Mom and Dad arrive home with dinner, they’re trying to get the table set and food out so that they can eat. It’s a busy few minutes but Rudy is just thinking about himself, unwilling to be a part of the interaction. In fact, this is a pattern for Rudy. He tends to be self-focused and seems to drain energy from family life. Dad and Mom are tired of it but Rudy doesn’t seem willing to make changes. Thus the standoff continues.

Question: How can I break the cycle of anger in our family relationships?
Answer: Pull back instead of push forward when things get intense